July 2, 2025
the wee demons in the scheme wullny let me escape
ye see, me n ma mates/we were raised as jakes brought up around homophobic and racist takes never had the balls to talk about our problems face to face am makin an escape fae this crazy place/cause av been fucking ashamed of masel lately mate
i wrote the drums for seeds tonight. reflecting on past mistakes, mainly the shit we used to say as kids, teens and even in yer 20s. edgy humour thinking its okay to use the n word and f word n shit. 'it's okay as long as its a joke right? i mean we dont mean it to be racist! we're just quoting characters and having inside jokes, thats not gonna hurt anyone right?' bullshit. i was around racists and homophobes my full life up until my 30s (glasgow obv), growing up spamming south park, and worshippin frankie boyle and being edgelords. im a very impressionable guy but i was never racist or homophobic, but the fucking words i used wouldve made me seem it. but it was homophobic and racist, i used to quote this racist neighbour with my ex, he was a psycho and he used the n word a lot, we used to take the piss out of him. got too comfortable saying hurtful words, in my head it was okay cause its inside with friends and theyre jokes? 'i have black friends and gay friends so you know im only joking. thats okay right?' bullshit. being around non racist and homophobic humans is a breathe of fresh air compared to how it used to be. you gotta grow up, be around people who feel the same way about the world that you do. i'd like to apologize to the world, for sinking to idiotic levels. it wasnt until i realized some of my friends were genuinlely bigots that i had to get away, i understood how impressionable of a person i was and the thought popped into my head 'if ye were pals with a group of fishermen, surely you'd end up grabbing a rod and some bait too.' just because you think its jokes, doesnt make it any less hurtful. al carry the shame of past mistakes with me to make sure myself and those around me dont sink to that level again. if you feel like yer mates, family or significant other don't fit your values, create space. we wanna impress our loved ones, if they make really nice cups of coffee, you're gonna end up trying to make a belter yerself to emulate them. and if they continue to be hateful and try to drag you along with them.....ditch em n keep receipts. most people dont actually challenge themselves to grow and dont realize they are making mistakes. be like me, one eh the cunts who became aware of his surroundings and, fucking done something about it.
How tf they gonna release that pos diddy