July 30, 2025
the only god of this place is the wan that's holding the pen
in a earlier blog i talked about being edgelords with my friends growing up, usin homophobic and racist slurs as jokes. wanting to act like frankie boyle and south park. i didn't to her though. my ex, the one who nearly destroyed me. the racist, the bigot, the narcicist. the master manipulator. i would've done anything for her, i was in way too deep when she showed her true colors. funny how everything got better for me when i left the past behind and met my finace. as one last favour i wont throw her under the bus for the shit she put me through. but i will say that i hope shes changed her ways, her hatred for anything thats not white, hope she's grew the fuck up and realized she was brainwashed growing up. the same way she tried to brainwash me. just cause i'd be a stupid twat online with my friends callin each other the n word, callin each other gay. hateful shit that we didn't understand was hateful cause we were uneducated and didn't thinkwe were doing any harm cause it was jokes with friends. i regret being a fuckin idiot, everyday of my painful life. i take solace in the fact that i never sunk to her hateful levels, she tried to even get me to vote ukip lmao. get tae fuck. the truth is, when she cheated on me and left me for my best friend (pennies compared to what else she done to me), it was the best thing that happened to me in years. i was finally free! or so i thought. constant threats of suicide if i were to move out. stupid me felt so shit for her cause she had no one but me. i slept in her spare room for 6 months after she dumped me. dealing with her and my former best friends constant drama. him thinkin am still shaggin her, her showing love for a guy she barely knew, more than she ever showed me. her past caught up with her and they had a great downfall. cunt even tried to come for me one night. they were bringing me down. two of the people i loved most in this world other than my mum, brother and allen. add the ocd shit and you got a broken man, constant compulsions to try and stop them both from acting up that night. a was walking on eggshells, every single second that year. lost a lot of respect from the people around me, they thought i was a gutless cuck, fuck, i was gutless.. but i wasn't a cuck. i had fallen out of love with her a while before she ended things. i remember the exact moment. my first ever payday from a full time job, she was in a hotel though. I just wanted to buy a papa johns and watch a movie with her after my shift. not pick her up from town and having to hear details of what she done. she cried her eyes out when she saw the light in me finally fade. a light she done her best to keep barely lit. a wee shitey flame. month later and the relationship is over. she was in bed with him before my brain could process the words she said. i required validation and intimacy, desperately. that year i had more dates and more sex than i ever had (until i met my current fiance, she was a machine when we first met lmao), i went from being in a long term relationship to having sex with different ladies every week or so. people i knew from way back, randoms in the catty, strangers, a prostitute and even a lesbian friend who wanted to feel what it was like to have fuck a guy. it was a lot of fun but not fulfilling. no strings attached intimacy helped me not kill myself that year. well that and who was gonna take care of Fawkes. i mean, i did try to kill myself that year but i shat it and crashed into a bush instead. honestly ladies, thank you for everything you done for me, giving me yer time and attention genuinely gave me life. but that was only one part of the day, the rest was misery. obsession over what the fuck those two morons are gonna do next. a loved him so much, but he turned on me. he let his mental health and paranoia get the better of him, instead of usin his genius brain to get himself out of the situation. havent spoke to him in many years. a hope he's healthy. she fucked us both over. i hope she's grown the fuck up, and never puts anyone else through half the shit she did to me. i will never reveal the evil things you said and done to me, a promised ye that moons ago. buuuut, if any of you every try to come into my life again and start shit. al release everything. the screenshots, the recordings, the calls, the video. every fucking thing. so take this as a warning, if ye see me again, especially if ye see me as EFFEFFEX and try ruin it for me or you try to fuck with ma family. al write yer fuckin name in the fuckin death note, n a dont need a god of death to do the dirty work, you should see the fucking monster a turned into wae this rhyming shit. oh aye, n ye should see the cold nasty bastard av turned intae these past few years. am afraid of naecunt, naemere.
leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case.